I feel connected because I imagine a lover exactly like this: gentle , kind and forgiving. Someone who'd never raise his voice and never scold me. Someone who'd offer me a glass of water sometimes for no reason. Someome who would never ever resemble my dad, someone who'd not butcher my flesh.
I just never imagined him as death, i gave him a name "সপ্তর্ষি" , resembling a constellation, since my name comes from stars as well. I know no one by that name, and I don't care about anyone even if they have that name. I never thought that I'll meet him at death, and thank god... Perhaps that saved me from dying.
I'm a bitter human. I am pessimistic, realistic rather. I have a deep, deep hate for men and society, I don't have a plan to date or to marry or to hope some man "saves" me. But I think of my imaginary lover, and I hug my pillow and cry to him exactly like this.
Sitting at the psychiatrist's office , he told me that "সপ্তর্ষি" and the maladaptive daydreaming about him is a coping mechanism I used to soothe myself from my PTSD. And it was effective. It was 2 years back, when I was in class 9 and I stopped talking. "You're much older for your age" he said.
Now , i have had my last extreme PTSD episodes last month in early -mid May. It comes and goes. But I'm improving significantly, and steadily. I'm taking actions.
Thanks for publishing this peice didi, it truly resonated with me. You write very , very beautifully.🩷
fuck man😭 wait I might be doing that too given everything - holy shit. i never, never thought of it that way but this is giving perspective. im so so sorry that you're having to go through all this. i hope it gets really better soon. and i hope this piece only brought some semblance of peace🫂💌 and thank you so much, I appreciate it🫂✨
What a masterpiece. My, my.
I feel connected because I imagine a lover exactly like this: gentle , kind and forgiving. Someone who'd never raise his voice and never scold me. Someone who'd offer me a glass of water sometimes for no reason. Someome who would never ever resemble my dad, someone who'd not butcher my flesh.
I just never imagined him as death, i gave him a name "সপ্তর্ষি" , resembling a constellation, since my name comes from stars as well. I know no one by that name, and I don't care about anyone even if they have that name. I never thought that I'll meet him at death, and thank god... Perhaps that saved me from dying.
I'm a bitter human. I am pessimistic, realistic rather. I have a deep, deep hate for men and society, I don't have a plan to date or to marry or to hope some man "saves" me. But I think of my imaginary lover, and I hug my pillow and cry to him exactly like this.
Sitting at the psychiatrist's office , he told me that "সপ্তর্ষি" and the maladaptive daydreaming about him is a coping mechanism I used to soothe myself from my PTSD. And it was effective. It was 2 years back, when I was in class 9 and I stopped talking. "You're much older for your age" he said.
Now , i have had my last extreme PTSD episodes last month in early -mid May. It comes and goes. But I'm improving significantly, and steadily. I'm taking actions.
Thanks for publishing this peice didi, it truly resonated with me. You write very , very beautifully.🩷
fuck man😭 wait I might be doing that too given everything - holy shit. i never, never thought of it that way but this is giving perspective. im so so sorry that you're having to go through all this. i hope it gets really better soon. and i hope this piece only brought some semblance of peace🫂💌 and thank you so much, I appreciate it🫂✨
the first para i see you. these are the exact sort of comments that make me want to keep posting, thank you so so much for reading my work🫂💌
Anwesha first of all why did you put this song I'll go fru
Cry
😭 let's do it tgt yayyy🫂